Thinking

What's reality and what's all made up? I guess what I mean by that maybe is what part of life is just a rat race? 

Yesterday, I tidied my bookshelves. I found all my journals over the last 20 years and put them together on one shelf. I just briefly read a few pages from several journals (my earliest being from High School- littered with a lot of "I am listening to Madonna (or Naked Eyes or whatever) right now...). Anyhow, I see a crazy pattern in myself- I am constantly trying to find the answers and to create a plan. I have probably a hundred "life" plans- all involving tabs, fonts, color coding, etc- that I abandon. I must accept this in myself it's my nature. And we are all a bit crazy aren't we? But there is some surrendering that I must do. I really don't want to do this in the next 20 years. 

Summer has been interesting. My three year old daughter and I have been together without interruption of preschool or much in the way of naps. I have let a lot slide. But what I am thinking about now is that- not much of what I let go of was very important. Just busy, things I think I should do or be. I think I will be very discerning in what I let back in. 

What about you? What feels more like rat race to you? What busy actions can you do without?

A bit of an Apology

I have been feeling funny about my last post. It's not that I don't believe what I wrote, but there was a smugness about it. 


So to amend my ways, I am taking the smug wind out of my sails and reading J. Krishnamurti. Here I am confronted with the absurdity of my every thought. But I'm still hoping to learn the meaning of life and to become a better human being.


Is that asking too much?

Home is Where the Heart is

I'm still here. As many of you mothers know- summer changes everything. Time for personal projects is minimal- but I have still been reading and pondering. Today my thoughts are going back to a quote I read from the book that I wrote about a month ago (Robert Shaw's The Epidemic). Here is the quote:
"We've lost our sense of what matters most in our children's lives- and when we do know, we are not spending the time or energy to make it happen. Then there's the great conspiracy of silence. It's not politically correct to say some of our lifestyle choices are not in the best interest of our children..."


What do you think?


Up until reading that quote, I took the line of trying to be non judgmental about parents who opted for day care and both parents working full time. I took seriously the gospel out there that women shouldn't turn on other women and belittle their choices. But the kids of these parents will be the friends of my kid and they will grow up and be in charge of the world. Maybe it is my business- maybe it is all of our business.
Heaven knows there are lots of ways to screw up our kids. And certainly I am guilty of more than I would like to admit. (Let's just say one relative has commented on our having no rules in our house). But isn't putting your little one in the care of someone else for the majority of time that they are awake- a huge blunder? 
I don't have the answers- and I sure don't want to go back to a pre Betty Friedan mindset, but this is important stuff. "What matters most in our children's lives?"