I'm still here. As many of you mothers know- summer changes everything. Time for personal projects is minimal- but I have still been reading and pondering. Today my thoughts are going back to a quote I read from the book that I wrote about a month ago (Robert Shaw's The Epidemic). Here is the quote:
"We've lost our sense of what matters most in our children's lives- and when we do know, we are not spending the time or energy to make it happen. Then there's the great conspiracy of silence. It's not politically correct to say some of our lifestyle choices are not in the best interest of our children..."
What do you think?
Up until reading that quote, I took the line of trying to be non judgmental about parents who opted for day care and both parents working full time. I took seriously the gospel out there that women shouldn't turn on other women and belittle their choices. But the kids of these parents will be the friends of my kid and they will grow up and be in charge of the world. Maybe it is my business- maybe it is all of our business.
Heaven knows there are lots of ways to screw up our kids. And certainly I am guilty of more than I would like to admit. (Let's just say one relative has commented on our having no rules in our house). But isn't putting your little one in the care of someone else for the majority of time that they are awake- a huge blunder?
I don't have the answers- and I sure don't want to go back to a pre Betty Friedan mindset, but this is important stuff. "What matters most in our children's lives?"
Here is a book I highly recommend. Actually most of the information is just common sense, but I have found it to be the perfect antidote to all the stress and concern I have had lately due to our preschool situation. The book in a nutshell talks about all the pressure parents feel to give their child a leg up and mold them into idealized little people. In reality, play and unscheduled, free time is best for the child on every level, particularly if you value creative thinking over rote learning. There is a lot more to the book and its worth a look- I am putting it on my shelf of favorites (there is a topic for another post: our favorite books shelf).
But this common sense parenting is making me think of another area we parents get pressured on: is your child growing up quickly enough? I am thinking of how my daughter's teachers are impatient with her not following multi stepped directions. (She is only three). Also, we are gearing up for a visit to my husband's family in a few weeks and both of us expect a little disapproval that our daughter is still using a pacifier at night and is not able to sit for a full meal. And the last thing that stands out in my mind on this topic is when our daughter was about 9 months old and we were visiting cousins. The wife of a cousin told us to spend more time making our daughter "walk" (and she was very proud that her daughter learned to walk at an early age). So what is the reason for wanting our kids to grow up ASAP? My daughter learned to walk at her own pace- just as she will be able to sit for a meal soon enough and the pacifier I'm sure won't go to college with her.
All of this is to say: enough already on the parenting advice. (Right?! Everyone has on opinion). Kids will learn and grow up at their own pace. We must use common sense and not feel pressure to rush children or have idealized expectations.
Ahhhh, Relax... Maybe this can actually be fun.
