Thinking

What's reality and what's all made up? I guess what I mean by that maybe is what part of life is just a rat race? 

Yesterday, I tidied my bookshelves. I found all my journals over the last 20 years and put them together on one shelf. I just briefly read a few pages from several journals (my earliest being from High School- littered with a lot of "I am listening to Madonna (or Naked Eyes or whatever) right now...). Anyhow, I see a crazy pattern in myself- I am constantly trying to find the answers and to create a plan. I have probably a hundred "life" plans- all involving tabs, fonts, color coding, etc- that I abandon. I must accept this in myself it's my nature. And we are all a bit crazy aren't we? But there is some surrendering that I must do. I really don't want to do this in the next 20 years. 

Summer has been interesting. My three year old daughter and I have been together without interruption of preschool or much in the way of naps. I have let a lot slide. But what I am thinking about now is that- not much of what I let go of was very important. Just busy, things I think I should do or be. I think I will be very discerning in what I let back in. 

What about you? What feels more like rat race to you? What busy actions can you do without?

A bit of an Apology

I have been feeling funny about my last post. It's not that I don't believe what I wrote, but there was a smugness about it. 


So to amend my ways, I am taking the smug wind out of my sails and reading J. Krishnamurti. Here I am confronted with the absurdity of my every thought. But I'm still hoping to learn the meaning of life and to become a better human being.


Is that asking too much?

Home is Where the Heart is

I'm still here. As many of you mothers know- summer changes everything. Time for personal projects is minimal- but I have still been reading and pondering. Today my thoughts are going back to a quote I read from the book that I wrote about a month ago (Robert Shaw's The Epidemic). Here is the quote:
"We've lost our sense of what matters most in our children's lives- and when we do know, we are not spending the time or energy to make it happen. Then there's the great conspiracy of silence. It's not politically correct to say some of our lifestyle choices are not in the best interest of our children..."


What do you think?


Up until reading that quote, I took the line of trying to be non judgmental about parents who opted for day care and both parents working full time. I took seriously the gospel out there that women shouldn't turn on other women and belittle their choices. But the kids of these parents will be the friends of my kid and they will grow up and be in charge of the world. Maybe it is my business- maybe it is all of our business.
Heaven knows there are lots of ways to screw up our kids. And certainly I am guilty of more than I would like to admit. (Let's just say one relative has commented on our having no rules in our house). But isn't putting your little one in the care of someone else for the majority of time that they are awake- a huge blunder? 
I don't have the answers- and I sure don't want to go back to a pre Betty Friedan mindset, but this is important stuff. "What matters most in our children's lives?"

Who Needs Starbucks?

Let me explain... I was having a cup of delicious coffee this morning and I thought: I have to share my find. I have a recipe for "cannoli cream" from Giada de Laurentiis cookbook. To be honest it is the only recipe I use with frequency from this cookbook. It to makes fruit extra appealing to my three year old. And now I have found it's deliciousness in coffee. The recipe is as follows:
1/3 cup ricotta cheese (I actually use whipped cream cheese)
2 tbsp and 1/3 cup whipping cream
3 tbsp powdered sugar
pinch of cinnamon
(and I add a dash of almond extract)


Stir cream cheese and 2 tbsp cream to blend in a good size bowl. Then add the rest of the whipping cream, powdered sugar, cinnamon and extract. Whip with a mixer until semi firm peaks form.


The picture above is actually from a different recipe. (There wasn't one for the cannoli cream). The result is more of a fluffy whipped topping rather than a pudding). And it looks gorgeous melting atop a warm cup of coffee. Starbucks can't do it justice. 
Give it a try. I suggest making the topping for fresh fruit and making extra, put it in tupperware and spoon it into your coffee for the next few mornings!

Insidiousness

Look at this horrible, scary book cover. Hard to believe this is the go to book I use when I need a little child rearing advice. You may be wondering: just how horrible is this little girl I've been hearing about? Actually the book is not as it appears from the cover. It's good common sense.

Here's what been happening in our house (perhaps you can relate). I've been going about my daily life together with my three year old and she amps up her demands just a little bit each day. It's like a frog in a pot of water that gets slowly hotter and never notices it's going to boil. Well all of a sudden last week- the demands were too much. (Tipping point). One little child shouldn't rob a mother of that much energy. So out come the rules, the boundaries and the tears (from both of us). And out comes this handy book from my shelf of regulars.

Although we are currently in a testing over breakfast this morning, this week is going much better than last. And while L is doing anything other than eating her breakfast. It allows me to get some reading done and to write this post. Quietly (without anger), I am holding firm- no fun until 5 pieces of waffle are eaten.

Hope your Monday is off to a good start.

Summer Pondering

Well it looks like my posts are getting few and far between. I suppose the next two months will be like this with less time for pondering and drawing.

Do you like the title of the above book? I suppose I am always looking for a manual to learn  how to live right so I end up with no regrets. I am starting to learn that you have to figure it out day by day, week by week etc. And even if there was a manual- it would be pretty boring just to follow along a pre- configured path. 

I did like what Montagne had to say on many subjects. Here are some of his ideas about reading. Don't make an effort with reading or writing. "If I encounter difficulties in reading, I do not gnaw my nails over them: I leave them there. I do nothing without gaiety." He abandoned whatever bored him. He believed everything should be approached in "gentleness and freedom, without rigor and constraint." I myself am newly converted to this idea. I used to think I had to improve myself (and that involved some struggle). Now I'm starting to think life should come more naturally and we are little vessels here to soak up the sights, sounds and wonders while we are here.

Anyone have any thoughts to this mysterious adventure we are on and "how to live".

Happy July

Our first crop and the proud estate owner (the boss pictured above). 

It has been a fairly chili and rainy June here in upstate NY. Our basil and tomatoes are having trouble, but the lettuce is thriving.
Matt has done a beautiful job making raised beds and creating order out of our garden plot. (I will take pictures once we have a sunny day to showcase it).  Usually we are expert at growing weeds, but we have high hopes of making a lovely, productive little garden.