Do you ever feel like you aren't special? This isn't a pity me party, but there are a lot of blogs out there and a lot of artists out there. It can be a little disconcerting to see that in just a half hour of searching on line for inspiration, there are a seemingly endless number of people that do what I do (and better I might add). Its a bit of a shock to the old ego.
I'm always searching for a bright side. What I came up with is that there is a lot of freedom when you let go of your ego (but it is a life time of practice). And secondly most of us are at least special to our small corner of the world. And its time worth spent nurturing those people in our little corner.
Do any of you bloggers out there feel a similar experience of being a little overwhelmed by seemingly being such a small drop in such a large sea?
Oh because of the holiday I almost forgot to post (I like to do one on Mondays). Luckily, I had a drawing in the wings. This is a Claire McCardell dress from her 1950's daytime collection. I just stumbled on this designer while looking for other things. Her dresses are quite lovely I think.
I was thinking about giving myself little drawing assignments to match whatever I feel like doing in a given week or month. I'm thinking of more fashion sketches and working on better (possibly whimsical figures) to model them. Any suggestions of good artists too look at for inspiration?
Hi everyone. We are back from another mini ski trip. We may even try another one in March. We had one really warm day skiing and the snow felt like cream cheese to ski on (not ideal) and one very cold day in which the skiing was fun, but fingers and cheeks were frozen. I am learning to accept this about skiing- like life, you have to curb your expectations and take what the day has to offer.
Now here is what our three year old does on these trips: watches way more TV than should be allowed by good parents and takes lots of baths (our tub at home is not nearly so fun). But at least she looks forward to these trips as much as we do (even if she doesn't get out much).
On another note, I wanted to talk about this documentary we watched last night. It is called "180 degrees South", about a man who spends 6 months traveling to Patagonia- sailing, surfing and hiking. Although the trip is meant to be a personal adventure he ends up learning a lot about the conservation effort in Patagonia and the surrounding area. The title comes from the idea that the way we are living is not sustainable, but as a culture, we don't want to go backwards. Unfortunately, what if the next step forward is off a cliff? We need to turn 180 degrees and then take a step forward. As one person interviewed in the film says: its hard to simplify, its much easier to get caught up in the complexity of living in a modern world. It does feel like a fight, doesn't it, to take a step back from the complexity of life?
Last week I picked up and read the book "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua (pictured here). Perhaps you have heard of it, it is getting a lot of attention and a lot of people are appalled at this woman's parenting. But I really got a lot out of it and the timing was good for me. I have been doing a lot of worrying about my daughter and worrying about her pre school experience. (Is she happy, is she thriving, was she too young...?).
There are two points in particular that the author makes that struck me as food for thought.
1. She says, "I notice that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self esteem... Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility and as a result they behave differently." And
2. She says, "happiness is not a concept I tend to dwell on. Chinese parenting does not address happiness...But here's the thing, when I look around at all the Western families that fall apart- all the grown sons and daughters who can't stand their parents- I have a hard time believing that Western parenting does a better job with happiness."
Now I can hear what you are thinking: she is making huge generalizations. I agree. But that aside, she brings up some interesting ideas doesn't she?
In this book you get a first hand account of how tough and sometimes mean she was while she was pushing her daughters to excel. I wondered how she managed to keep her family in tact and in fact to flourish. No doubt she was difficult to live with, but her daughters must have felt her passion and devotion to them. It's like that old question about what matters more quality or quantity time with your kids. I believe quantity helps your kids know they are number one in your life.
So we live here in the US and are habituated to our Western values, but here's the question I've been posing to myself, how would I act differently if I:
1. Assumed strength not fragility in my daughter's psyche, and
2. Believed her happiness was not the first priority when making decisions for her.
Food for thought.
I'm back to a little sanity. I had been obsessing about my daughter as of late. And since watching her verbal and non verbal communication like a hawk this past week- I've concluded that while not perfect, all is fine and I can put things into perspective a bit.
So back to thinking about journals, drawings and fashion. My aim is to keep things "light". And maybe you can help keep me on track. Art and I have a tricky relationship beginning from art school. I have an MFA from a local school and while it was amazing learning experience, it also left me with a love hate relationship with my art work. (I still have a love love relationship to art in general). Usually I can't start working in my studio without that voice coming in that says: "is this really worth doing", "will anyone take you seriously", "what if you are only a Sunday painter?"...
But since being out of the studio for about three years, focusing on being a mom and also turning 40 in there, my attitude has changed I think. Again I have got some perspective. Everything feels new again. And it is starting to actually be fun. Now the trick is to keep it that way.
Hi blog followers. I'm sorry I haven't written much lately, I've been spending my spare time worrying. In addition to the emotional strain of last weeks difficulty separating with L at school in the morning, I recently found out that she isn't communicating at school (with the kids or the teachers). I feel a bit like I was punched in the stomach with that news.
Although I think the teachers are worried that she has some serious developmental issues, I know she is a different little girl at home (yes her language skills aren't terribly strong, but she connects, communicates, participates and is very joyful at home). What kills me is that she is spending such long (4 hour stretches unconnected to others). I'm worried she isn't happy or thriving at this school, maybe its a bad fit or maybe she is too young (she had just turned three when we started).
A shout out to those of you who have written such nice emails recently and have helped talk me down from my ledge. I will keep you "posted" on our thoughts and progress with this little dilemma.
