Hi everyone. I am back from our spring break trip to the Mid West to visit my in-laws. Before I left, I told a good friend about this trip and my trepidation of the long car ride and possible nuttiness from the in-laws. In her words of wisdom she said- she uses her nutty parents and in- laws to teach her how to be a good grandmother and mother-in-law in her future. How wise. And while I can't complain, Matt's parents were on their best behavior- my friends words were ringing in my ears.
I also was reading this book, "the Happiness Project" and some ideas overlapped. How to be a good parent, grandparent, in-law etc...? Practice happiness or some form of optimism and openness. A good point that the author makes is that we under value our happiness- not just in the good feelings it brings to us, but how it lifts others around us.
"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; one of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."
Lots of people wear their unhappiness as a badge of honor. As the author also says: "It's easy to be heavy. It's hard to be light."
Of course, it is hard to be light and good spirited when your body hurts. (And my in- laws are suffering from physical pain). Which brings me to my second lesson. Work to keep your body healthy! I love the book "Younger Next Year" as my aging bible. As soon as L is in school regularly, I plan to keep this promise.
On another note. The royal wedding is only a day away. Is anyone planning to get up early- as many of us did for Charles and Diane? Or is TiVo going to do the work this time around? Enjoy. Can't wait to see the spectacle.
Just a quick note. Next week is Spring Break and we will be elbow deep in grandparents for the next 10 days. I probably won't get much time for pondering and blogging.
Hope you all have a lovely April. I must say, I have been having the best time talking to people (on play dates or at chance meetings at the coffee shop) who have read a post from my little blog and have much to say about it. That is delightful! I don't think I have the biggest audience- but I think I have the loveliest.
Are we an achievement oriented society? Lately I've been pondering the difference between fulfillment and achievement. Here are some thoughts... A dictionary definitions for fulfillment is: "the contentment one feels when one has fulfilled a desire, need or expectation." A definition for achievement is: "A thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage or skill... Achievement requires drive and, in many cases, single mindedness".
So pondering this, I think the main difference is the struggle involved in achievement and perhaps something (ie. your resume, diploma...) to show for achievement. Fulfillment seems to be more at our fingertips. Yes you have to complete something- but it can be personal, resonate with your ideals and be utterly pleasing. Here's the question then, does the lack of struggle and the lack of measurable outcomes make fulfillment less important than achievement? Inquiring minds want to know. What are your thoughts?
In the interest of full disclosure- I have to admit I have never been very good at achieving (although occasionally I try) and I am envious of others who are more driven and successful than myself. I am siding with fulfillment, but perhaps it is sour grapes.
I'm finding that the British are providing a nice diversion lately. First, my dear friend and blog follower is creating a British lingo day with her kids to spice things up. They will speak with British accents for the day. My little sketch to the left and post for the day is a nice light change from all the pontificating I've been doing here lately. And the royal wedding of course is a lovely diversion. I've been enjoying some London bloggers lately with photos of all the William and Kate knick knacks they've come across in shops.
Thank you royals. Now does everyone of a certain age remember where they were when Charles and Diane wed? I do.
Here is a book I highly recommend. Actually most of the information is just common sense, but I have found it to be the perfect antidote to all the stress and concern I have had lately due to our preschool situation. The book in a nutshell talks about all the pressure parents feel to give their child a leg up and mold them into idealized little people. In reality, play and unscheduled, free time is best for the child on every level, particularly if you value creative thinking over rote learning. There is a lot more to the book and its worth a look- I am putting it on my shelf of favorites (there is a topic for another post: our favorite books shelf).
But this common sense parenting is making me think of another area we parents get pressured on: is your child growing up quickly enough? I am thinking of how my daughter's teachers are impatient with her not following multi stepped directions. (She is only three). Also, we are gearing up for a visit to my husband's family in a few weeks and both of us expect a little disapproval that our daughter is still using a pacifier at night and is not able to sit for a full meal. And the last thing that stands out in my mind on this topic is when our daughter was about 9 months old and we were visiting cousins. The wife of a cousin told us to spend more time making our daughter "walk" (and she was very proud that her daughter learned to walk at an early age). So what is the reason for wanting our kids to grow up ASAP? My daughter learned to walk at her own pace- just as she will be able to sit for a meal soon enough and the pacifier I'm sure won't go to college with her.
All of this is to say: enough already on the parenting advice. (Right?! Everyone has on opinion). Kids will learn and grow up at their own pace. We must use common sense and not feel pressure to rush children or have idealized expectations.
Ahhhh, Relax... Maybe this can actually be fun.
To the left here is a picture of Maria Montessori and I notice they have a picture of her in my daughter's pre school classroom. It reminded me of when you take yoga classes and they have a picture of some guru hanging up. Which brings me to todays topic: Montessori as religion. Is any one or everyone tired of the subject of my daughter's school? If so, sorry. I think this will be my last rant.
I was yet again pondering the question of why L's teachers were so adamant about her having developmental problems even after the results of the evaluation and a committee meeting said otherwise. In our discussions with them we kept saying their classroom appears to work very well for many children, but just isn't a good fit with our daughter's temperament.
Then it occurred to me why they couldn't accept this. They believe in the tenants of the Montessori principles and have the vigor toward early intervention for special needs the way many people approach their religious beliefs. They practice their teaching with such zeal that there isn't room for other interpretations. This comparison made sense to me- I didn't doubt that these were kind hearted people and also now I understand that their position will not change. In their eyes our daughter will have "problems" and they won't change their behavior toward her.
I hope this (perhaps harsh critique of Montessori principles and religion) strikes the reader as either true or false and that you feel free to explain to me why.
